Growing Pains

You probably think that I have fallen off of the earth and in a sense; I have been on another planet. It is the planet of self-discovery, the land of my own shortcomings, incongruities, and inconsistencies. It is a scary place. Who wants to go there? I must be nuts or is it just a symptom of middle age, recognizing my own mortality and wanting to get the most out of life. Feeling lost in this unexplored land, I have sought the leadership of a coach. A life coach. What the heck is a Life Coach, you say? My coach tells me that her role is to affirm me. Her mandate is to help me realize my dreams and aspirations, to not direct me, but to aid me to see where I need to direct myself. She is my cheerleader. Yeah! Someone in my corner, believing in and affirming me! She reminds me to explore and give thought and energy to self- improvement. I am so fortunate to have this opportunity of a professional coach whose purpose is to support me. It is quite something and I value this relationship with my coach, a woman whom I respect professionally and personally, a woman whose capabilities impress me and whose heart inspires me. I want to be her star pupil and I know that I will get out of exactly what I put into it. For over four months, my coach has helped me to painfully probe and delve deeply to define exactly what I want out of life, where I want to go and most importantly, who I want to be. In short, my coach is challenging me to grow. The exercises and homework, the books to be read and the questions that she raises are causing me to think. I am sure that many of the dendrites in my brain that are being exercised have never fired! I now have a new reference for ‘growing pains’. Yet from this stretching I am articulating my beliefs and values and I am consciously altering habits and behaviors to support my beliefs and values. It is hard work. . A shift is occurring….the Middle Aged ShIft. It feels right. The original plan with getting a coach was to help me manifest a project that I have spoken on for over 15 years. To write a book. Not just any, book, but a book that no doubt, will be controversial. There I go again, taking the easy way out! I will know it a success if it is, in fact, thought provoking, inspiring critical thinking and promoting dialogue. At the very least, l will have had my say on a subject that I feel is important. Timely and important. So important is my message that once again I am sticking my neck out, jumping in with both feet and flying by the seat of my pants with this project. I know that I have no experience, no credentials, no influence, and may not even have talent but I also know that I have lots of heart, lots of inspiration, lots of drive and most notably, I have wisdom. My book will speak my wisdom. So don’t think that I have been lily-gaggin it with this sabbatical from blogging. Quite the contrary. This shift in my thinking is uncomfortable because I haven’t practiced it and incorporated it into my being. I need time, focus and a healthy environment to do this, so I have retreated to the cottage, where the wave’s rheumatic lapping on the shore sooths and relaxes my mind, opening me to a new way of thinking. I have been recharging, rejuvenating and rewiring. I have filled my days with visits from friends and family, kayaking, swimming, and of course yoga. I have quieted the mental chatter and have sought solitude and silence. The study, the thinking, the writing and the scrabble (cottage mode) are sharpening me mentally and the lapping of the waves, the fresh air, and the feel of the water are feeding my spirit. I am rewiring my brain to hold onto the calm of the gentle breeze rolling over the water, its touch on my skin like a feather. Like the chrysalis of a butterfly, providing the growing environment from which the butterfly emerges, I too, shall emerge cottage life 2010 transformed. Ta da! We either decay or grow. I choose to grow. Until then